Jon was strolling down the pathway happily. To his right the elephants were playing in the water and to his left the baby tigers were snoring loudly. He loved his job at the zoo. He shuffled over to the meerkats. They had their backs turned away from him. Jon put his face up to the window and his large nose squished against the clear glass. The meerkats were climbing on top of each other. The top one grabbed the vent on the ceiling but it was yellow. The meerkats worst fear is the color yellow so he fell. Jon was happy that the meerkats didn’t escape because they’re his favourite animal.
By Sam
Well written Sam, I wondered why the meerkats were so afraid of the colour yellow? Had a yellow predator attacked them?
Ms McGrath (Team 100WC), Australia
Hi sam,
It is a very good story and i am happy the meakats
didn’t escape because they are my fav. animal as well!
Keep it up!
Harry
Hello Sam,
What a great job you did with description. I could easily imagine Jon strolling through the zoo, and even picture him looking more closely at the meerkats.
I might suggest that the word “happily” follow its verb directly….”strolling happily down the path.” Adverbs usually are directly attached to their verbs, either before of after the verb.
I especially liked the unexpected, at least for me, twist at the end when Jon was happy the meerkats did not escape because he liked to eat them. I did not see that coming since he was in a zoo where we usually preserve animals, not eat them. Good job!
I hope you continue to post to 100WC.
Barbara McFall (Team 100WC)
Teacher at The Phoenix School, Salem, MA USA
well done Sam miss you loads.